PRIORITIES......

Its been quite long since I wrote.... All my writing seems to be on the mind ....The last that I wrote was when i was a fresh mother.... Now I am the mother of a naughty impish almost 3 year old.

"When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child." - Sophia Loren

I endorse this view of the famous Actress Sophia Loren who in her heydays acted in less movies after becoming a mother.. Perhaps true to her word.. Still she never faltered in being known as the best actress the world has ever known..

Life has changed a lot since I have become a mother... I had shuddered at the thought of giving up several things that I loved and wondered how I would maintain my identity; but motherhood itself being a separate identity in itself, changes not just the body but the mind too... Life seems to revolve only around the fulcrum of your little darling... every moment, every day, every schedule from menu to holiday to shopping list EVERYTHING involuntarily revolves around the bundle of joy...

MOTHERHOOD - its a unique gift given to a woman. One has to experience it to feel the baggage that comes with it. The intial days of the creation, the fear if it will be or not be, the 9 months of carrying a ticking life carefully like a porcelain ball full of suspense, the pain and the ecstasy in hearing the first wail.... AND THEN....you are never YOU.... perhaps when you become a mother a new chamber gets added in your heart, a new division is created in your brain, the eyes have an background imprinted and all your senses have an extra nerve....

There are several stories written about MOTHERS one of which is truly symbolises her.... IT goes:

A touching story:

My mother had only one eye. She was such an embarrassment.
She cooked for students & teachers to support the family.
There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came to Say hello to me.
I was so embarrassed.
How could she do this to me?
I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out.
The next day at school one of my classmates said, 'EEEE, your mom only Has one eye!'
I wanted to bury myself..
I also wanted my mom to just disappear..
I confronted her that day and said, ' If you're only gonna make me a Laughing stock, why don't you just die?'
My mom did not respond....
I didn't even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because I was full of anger.
I was oblivious to her feelings.
I wanted out of that house, and have nothing to do with her.
So I studied real hard, got a chance to go abroad to study.
Then, I got married.
I bought a house of my own.
I had kids of my own. I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts, Then one day, my Mother came to visit me.
She hadn't seen me in years and she didn't even meet her
Grandchildren.
When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, and I yelled at Her for coming over uninvited...
I screamed at her, 'How dare you come to my house and scare my Children!'
GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!'
And to this, my mother quietly answered, 'Oh, I'm so sorry. I may have Gotten the wrong address,'
And she disappeared out of sight.
One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house.
So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip.
After the reunion, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity.
My neighbors said that she died.
I did not shed a single tear.
They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have.

'My dearest son,
I think of you all the time. I'm sorry that I came to your house and
Scared your children.
I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion.
But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you.
I'm sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were
Growing up.
You see........when you were very little, you got into an accident, and
Lost your eye.
As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you
Having to grow up with one eye.
So I gave you mine.
I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my
Place, with that eye.

With all my love to you,

Your mother.

No more words are needed to express MOTHERHOOD and A MOTHER..
I would reword what Sophia Loren said as

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always thinks in the line of her child, with the child and always for the child

Cast your Caste

I read the disdain in my cousin's voice when she wrote of the angst of castism and the palpitating moments she went through in trying to build bridges between the so called castes. (read the article in the link http://divyadurgadas.blogspot.com/2007/07/holding-back.html). I was also quite astounded to see the conviction in her words not to confirm to the old world norms and be as she is.

"Bang " had gone down the phone when we called up a close friend to invite them for my wedding. "Who is the groom?" "Manoj Mathew". .... and the line went dead. I had been considered as the ambassador of brahminism as I knew (a) to recite lot of slokas, (b) learnt to put kolams and the likes of it. Perhaps it felt like a wrong number when they heard a Christian name as my would-be husband. As I expected more such vicious reactions, I made an instant decision not to invite anyone distantly linked to our family to avoid any such unwanted and unwarranted comments and spoilers to a happy occassion. After all no deviations from conventions are accepted with a smile???? !!!

The one who knows Brahmam is a Brahman", is what I read in a book some time back (name I am unable to recall) and also saw it being repeated vehemently in a Malayalam film "His Highness Abdulla". I have always mused on why we have contorted the intelligent division of labour to such demonic proportions. Who was responsible for the perpetration of belittling manual work??? This very idea was resounded in the Tamil serial "Enge Brahmanan" - "Wither Brahmin" wherein the producer tried to question the very base of who is truly a Brahmin. In today's world the "division of labour" no more exists and there is no TRUE BRAHMIN at all. The serial has been abruptly discontinued... I presume truth always hurts and takes time to sink in the true sense into the brain.

I truly believe in the division of labour due to which the classes of people were made - Kshatriyas - people who chose to be warriors and security personnel; Brahmans - who chose to be learners, teachers and academicians; Vysyas - who chose to be traders; and Shudras - who chose not to do heavy work but simple routine manual work. We were also taught the same division of labour in our school times too. Man is an animal and it showed in the transformation of the thought proces of this division of labour. The whole division was compartmentalised with no permission for crossing over, ideas of "HIGH" and "LOW" emerged, which started the churnings of the "CASTE" storm which even today has not subsided. Perhaps, brain development gets restricted to one sphere when concentration is paid only to one aspect over years ; for Brahmins considered themselves more learned than Kshatriyas, Kshatriyas considered themselves more valiant and brave than Brahmins, Vysyas thought all the rest were foolish in dealing with finances and money ...and the Shudras were shunned by everyone as menial and cursed by GOD ... What an irony !!!! ...

Sadly, even today the storm of castism has not subsided... It is camouflaged in different forms and shapes. While all the forces in the country talk of ending castism, involuntarily all of them are contributing to widening the gap - Reservations, concessions, special financial aid - all add to the already brewing fire. As a bubbling college girl I had furiously questioned Mr. Seshan the erstwhile Election Commissioner "Why reservations and concessions if we really have to end Casteism?" Pat came the reply .."You have to pay for what your forefathers deprived others" ...TRUE... I was reminded of the wording, "Whatever you do in life, you will surely get the rewards and returns for it. If not today, perhaps tomorrow, perhaps in a hundred years. But you will surely be rewarded. Nature must pay off the debt. It is a mathematical law and all life is mathematical " Seshan was right...the mathematics of life was equalizing.....

So, is there never an end to this quagmire???? Will half the population go through "crest" when the rest go through the "trough" and the cycle keep repeating times immemorial???? Can there be a change..??? Yes perhaps... quietly and slowly ... by being YOU and let others be (as my cousin said)... Till the mathematical law equalizes, treat all human beings as individuals, look at differences in individuals as differences in living, upbringing, beliefs and respect the differences not just the similarities. If you feel you can create a bridge between the two rivers of faith, thought, practices, habits, ideologies...be it... and silently change the thought process.. No new venture, no innovation, no breaking of conventions has ever been received with a smile... But success always has no barriers... and success in this quiet process only, can be the slow and singular step towards a boundary less society...

Thus began OUR first step in this direction on 15 November 2004... Manoj and me... We had our cultural, upbringing, social and societal differences... but without disdain to any, WE have been fortunately, silently been able to tide through them fairly successfully. Another silent step was taken on 16 September 2006 when our son was born and we were asked to write the caste. We wrote "Indian"... Perhaps if the trend continues our son will write "HUMAN"....May be this is what my cousin meant "Let them be and us be" ......